Rebirth, Resurgence, or Just a Sad Echo of What I Want to Be

I have the urge to write something.  Well, several somethings.  I have a few ideas that are bouncing around or which others expressed that I felt the need to articulate.  I think that might be the point of writing this for me, a hole that is missing.  At times I talk to people to work through my thought processes, to have a sounding board for whatever. The problem is firstly that few people fulfill this role,  partly because I am not good at finding more people for it, partly because my thinking at its best is a bit idiosyncratic I think.

My brother was good at operating on the same wavelength, but that ship has sailed.  My father is great, but we talk infrequently, and I like to have things polished before I talk to him, or at least not entirely rough.  My mother will listen but does not always comprehend.  My sister is great for making sure I understand things because if I can get her to understand then I have a firm grasp, but I can’t abuse the relationship with too much of that sort of discussion since that would be rather selfish.  Of friends, my former roommate was great on most levels, but he has a wife and kids and is a long ways away, in other words rather inaccessible.  One is good if it’s something that interests him, but his availability is spotty.  There is no one else that comes to mind, other family members are too remote, other friends are either disinterested or well, not really that close of friends.

So here we are.  I might not have an audience (I had a following of I think two people, but they surely have left for greener pastures).  At least here I have to articulate what I am thinking, I can’t leave it in the formless mess it occupies while floating in my mind.  We’ll see if I can develop appropriate habits to make this work.  Consistent writing has never been my forte, but then again I never ran much, or did homework, or most anything else, so I can change habits should I wish.  Funnily enough a few of those topics will be the very next post, which was supposed to be this post but I got sidetracked with the personal thoughts.  Lastly, the writing may not occur here.  A fair chunk will, but I also am wanting to write thank you letters to different people who have impacted me whether they know it or not.  In addition, in spite of my second failure at National Novel Writing Month, I think I would like to continue writing.  I may not be cut out for fiction, but I’m not ready to give up yet.

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